WRITER: Phil Bray POSTED: June 6, 2024
Anger Issues
“I have anger issues.” It is a statement I’ve heard many times. Parents often throw up their hands in exasperation, “I don’t know what else I can do. He just has anger issues!” Anger is not a disease, much less an incurable disease. Anger is an emotion that manifests itself outwardly in our behavior, speech, or demeanor. The emotion of anger flares up in our hearts when something we want is denied, when we are unjustly treated, or when our desires are thwarted.
Unchecked or ungoverned anger spilling out of our hearts and making a wreckage of our relationships, or the tranquility of life is what we mean when we say, “Someone has anger issues.” In fact, habitually losing one’s temper does not mean a person has “anger issues.” Habitually losing one’s temper means a person has developed a selfish pattern of reaction to one’s circumstances. The unspoken goal of these temper tantrums is intimidation. Like a bully on the playground, we attempt to force others to submit to our will out of fear of our wrath.
Outbursts of anger are verbal and physical expressions of selfishness. Like a toddler throwing a fit because his will is hindered, we lose our tempers for the same reason. Take a minute and think about the last time you lost your temper or think about what typically ignites your rage. Do we yell at our children because we love them and want them to learn how to shut doors, clean up messes, or treat their siblings with kindness? No. I would wager that many times we yell at our children because our day has been stressful, and we are exhausted. Both issues hinge on selfishness. We want to come home to a clean and peaceful home and just relax. Instead, we walk into a war zone of screaming, crying, and fussing. The kitchen is dripping with unidentifiable sludge that was some sort of food at one point in its existence. Suddenly, everyone converges on you as an adult and begin making demands. They want you to be the judge and dish out revenge for how their sibling treated them earlier. They want you to take them to the store for the umpteenth time, and they want to know what is for dinner. What happened? You got it, tick, tick, tick, you explode.
Are there legitimate areas of concern in the chaos before you? Absolutely! Are you losing your temper because of those concerns? Most likely, probably not. We get angry because our desire for a peaceful, relaxing, and clean evening has just been shattered into a thousand bits of broken glass. We are denied what we want, and we lose it. Anger happens all the time. Sometimes anger is a legitimate emotion. “Be angry, and yet do not sin;” (Eph 4:26). Losing our temper, exploding in anger is a sin (Gal 5:20).
We must learn to control our anger. “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back” (Prov 29:11). What are we to do? How do we control our temper like a wise person? You must look at your heart. Ask yourself, why are you angry? When the anger begins to rise in your heart like a pot about to boil over you must identify the source of the heat. To prevent the pot from boiling over you need to remove it from the heat. What has got your heart heated to the point of boiling? Once you have identified the source of your anger you must discern, “Is this a legitimate grievance or am I simply being denied something I want?”
Now, you must choose. How will you react? “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles” (Prov 21:23). Prison guards are not positioned to keep people from getting into the prison. Their job is to prevent people from getting out of prison. Similarly, we guard our mouth and tongue, not to prevent sin and its defiling habits from entering our heart, but rather, we guard our mouths to prevent ourselves from saying something that brings about more trouble. Jesus explains that it is from within, from our heart, that sin pours forth defiling our lives. Our circumstances do not corrupt us. Our hearts corrupt us (Mark 7:21-23). Let me say that again, our circumstances do not corrupt us, our heart corrupts us. Seeing this connection helps us focus on what really needs healing.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). As the Spirit of God transforms our heart, He will cause us to walk in the ways of Christ (Ezel 36:26-28). His love will be perfected in us. As we love, we will begin to consider others more important than ourselves (Phi 2:2-8). Such action leads us to begin to humble ourselves, a trait evident in the life of Jesus, leading us to choose to act in a way that benefits them, helps them, and sanctifies them. As this love grows, we will become more patient, kind, humble, righteous, servant oriented, and forgiving (1 Cor 13:4-5). All these characteristics are of love, which is being perfected in our heart, which will in turn enable and motivate us to exercise self-control. Do you see the importance of having a heart that is right with God? A wise man holds his temper back. A fool vomits his anger all over everyone all the time. This, my friend, is wisdom. Anger issues are not ailments you have no control over. Anger issues are the expression of an unloving, selfish, and unholy heart. We are filled with the Spirit brothers and sisters. Let us be a people who “work out our salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in us, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Phi 2:12-13). And that is the heart of that matter.
Unchecked or ungoverned anger spilling out of our hearts and making a wreckage of our relationships, or the tranquility of life is what we mean when we say, “Someone has anger issues.” In fact, habitually losing one’s temper does not mean a person has “anger issues.” Habitually losing one’s temper means a person has developed a selfish pattern of reaction to one’s circumstances. The unspoken goal of these temper tantrums is intimidation. Like a bully on the playground, we attempt to force others to submit to our will out of fear of our wrath.
Outbursts of anger are verbal and physical expressions of selfishness. Like a toddler throwing a fit because his will is hindered, we lose our tempers for the same reason. Take a minute and think about the last time you lost your temper or think about what typically ignites your rage. Do we yell at our children because we love them and want them to learn how to shut doors, clean up messes, or treat their siblings with kindness? No. I would wager that many times we yell at our children because our day has been stressful, and we are exhausted. Both issues hinge on selfishness. We want to come home to a clean and peaceful home and just relax. Instead, we walk into a war zone of screaming, crying, and fussing. The kitchen is dripping with unidentifiable sludge that was some sort of food at one point in its existence. Suddenly, everyone converges on you as an adult and begin making demands. They want you to be the judge and dish out revenge for how their sibling treated them earlier. They want you to take them to the store for the umpteenth time, and they want to know what is for dinner. What happened? You got it, tick, tick, tick, you explode.
Are there legitimate areas of concern in the chaos before you? Absolutely! Are you losing your temper because of those concerns? Most likely, probably not. We get angry because our desire for a peaceful, relaxing, and clean evening has just been shattered into a thousand bits of broken glass. We are denied what we want, and we lose it. Anger happens all the time. Sometimes anger is a legitimate emotion. “Be angry, and yet do not sin;” (Eph 4:26). Losing our temper, exploding in anger is a sin (Gal 5:20).
We must learn to control our anger. “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back” (Prov 29:11). What are we to do? How do we control our temper like a wise person? You must look at your heart. Ask yourself, why are you angry? When the anger begins to rise in your heart like a pot about to boil over you must identify the source of the heat. To prevent the pot from boiling over you need to remove it from the heat. What has got your heart heated to the point of boiling? Once you have identified the source of your anger you must discern, “Is this a legitimate grievance or am I simply being denied something I want?”
Now, you must choose. How will you react? “He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles” (Prov 21:23). Prison guards are not positioned to keep people from getting into the prison. Their job is to prevent people from getting out of prison. Similarly, we guard our mouth and tongue, not to prevent sin and its defiling habits from entering our heart, but rather, we guard our mouths to prevent ourselves from saying something that brings about more trouble. Jesus explains that it is from within, from our heart, that sin pours forth defiling our lives. Our circumstances do not corrupt us. Our hearts corrupt us (Mark 7:21-23). Let me say that again, our circumstances do not corrupt us, our heart corrupts us. Seeing this connection helps us focus on what really needs healing.
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). As the Spirit of God transforms our heart, He will cause us to walk in the ways of Christ (Ezel 36:26-28). His love will be perfected in us. As we love, we will begin to consider others more important than ourselves (Phi 2:2-8). Such action leads us to begin to humble ourselves, a trait evident in the life of Jesus, leading us to choose to act in a way that benefits them, helps them, and sanctifies them. As this love grows, we will become more patient, kind, humble, righteous, servant oriented, and forgiving (1 Cor 13:4-5). All these characteristics are of love, which is being perfected in our heart, which will in turn enable and motivate us to exercise self-control. Do you see the importance of having a heart that is right with God? A wise man holds his temper back. A fool vomits his anger all over everyone all the time. This, my friend, is wisdom. Anger issues are not ailments you have no control over. Anger issues are the expression of an unloving, selfish, and unholy heart. We are filled with the Spirit brothers and sisters. Let us be a people who “work out our salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in us, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Phi 2:12-13). And that is the heart of that matter.